If Truth Be Told...

I had the most uninspiring day at work today. I am surrounded by IDIOTS!!! 'Nuff said.

Back to reality

I start work tomorrow...nuff said.

Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Judge Dredd

After a week's leave, I woke up this morning with a feeling of dread. The answer was simple - I hate work. The journey to work did not help either. The usual traffic jam in Sg Liang gave me ample time to mull over what a drag of a day I was going to have.

...Actually, it's not work that I hate so much - I have never (I don't think) been known as the lazy sort nor shy away from hard work - it's actually the job. It has become such a dreary routine with the constant whinging of never-satisfied people. If I can at all be honest about it, I think the novelty and challenge wore off as soon as I got on seat. Let's just be frank here, I was never the "people's people" type anyway. It's amazing how I've managed to end up in this career. I can blame it on a few things:

1) The scholarship that I got meant that I have no choice but to work for the hand that sponsored.
2) Being the first-born meant that I have the (delete as appropriate) responsibility/ burden/ yoke to support my parents and my siblings - so needed to earn from day one upon graduation.
3) Blind ambition.

...then the curse of loans begets me and the balls and chains have been locked. So what started off as striving for a fancy car and all the bells and whistles that come along with being a young professional (says she), my goal is now to be financially independent. Admittedly my priority has changed - I guess, I've changed. Having kids has truly changed my perspective on life. I no longer seek trigger happy moments but rather longer-term contentment - now that's happiness at a completely different level.

So what's the point in waking up everyday for the next, say, 25 years of my life dragging my feet out of bed and dragging myself to work? To top it all off, leaving home for work while the kids are still in bed, only to come home after a long day with the kids already asleep. Is it really worth it to sacrifice my family just so I could ensure that my kids will lead a better life? But what is the definition of a better life anyway, I ask you? To be able to effort all the finer things in life that our parents could not provide us? But where does work/life balance fit into all this? Leave it to the maid to play the role of mum while I'm at work earning a living? I don't think that's the way I want to live my life anymore.

Of course, I still would like to make a living (hey, I've got my pride), but at the same time I want to be more in control of my life and family too. So here's my wishlist:

1) Earn a living doing something that I want to get out of bed for.
2) Do something that allows me the flexibility to spend time with the kids.

But I guess, there is a light at the end of every tunnel. I have read and seen so many inspiring stories about working mums who can achieve both. I guess it's a matter of me finding the guts to take the plunge...of course notwithstanding achieving that financial independence first.

Name that Idiot - Bitch oso you!!

It has been such an awful week - work-wise that is. My hit list has trebled from this week alone. If energy was powered by morons, the oil and gas industry would collapse from bankruptcy in a second.

Oh well, my consolation is that it gets my creative name-making skills up a notch or two. So here's introducing:

1) Pinhead
Description: An alleged highflying finance expat. He has earned this name not because he reminds me of that terrifying character from The Hellraiser (he wish!!!), but because he looks just like a pinhead. Toothpick skinny with a small head - yes, you catch my drift.

Crime committed: An absolute twat of a wanker with the inclination to end his e-mail that he is pro-Bruneianisation. But he forgets that people actually reads the WHOLE e-mail content which illustrates that he actually has no regards for the cause.

2) J.M. (Janji Manismu) - this one's for you Theory
Description: An esteemed leadership team member of the HR community.

Special ability: Disappearing act and diminishing accountability.

3) Dayang Budimah
Description: A colleague from the another department who is the female version of our beloved SEAGAMES mascot "Awang Budiman" (big head, small body - except this lady doesn't have the heart nor brains to match her colossal head).

Crime committed:
1) Giving me the silent treatment and pretending that I am invisible - unless she can see through walls (I've only just noticed this recently after repeatedly being given the cold shoulder).
2) Sore loser because she didn't get the lead role - someone needs to tell her that Awang Budiman doesn't get medals and can never win because he is just a big, fat, fucking mascot and you are not even one!!
3) Fashion faux pax (contributed by Theory) - being seen in public wearing the short-skirt-tudung combo. Accordingly to eye witness account, it was a truly sobering experience.

On another note, coaching is proving to be a skill I have yet to master. My patience is running thin with this youngling I'm supposed to coach. It's okay if you can't fix stupid (credit to Justy for this quote), but I can't stand inconsistent delivery. I don't know if it's laziness or "I'm so great that ideas are pouring out from the part of my body where the sun don't shine" attitude. Whatever the case may be, I guess this is a learning opportunity for me (hear me out, I'm having a Confucious moment here).

Les Miserables: The Revenge

Who says misery loves company? Since when did misery happen en masse? I, for one, certainly need the company.

Fags are the next best thing to grabbing a piece of noose at the moment. That's all there is to say.

Les Miserables

Almost a month of no blogging. Truth to be told I have not been feeling inspired to write.

For one thing I am now back in Nigeria avec Laukong mais sans les enfant. So life sucks! Les Miserables just about sums it up.

Now lets' see how fast you can say, "Guess, we're no longer in Kansas, Toto!"

Wanker-Doodle-Dory-Poo

Worra ingrate. Nuff said.

Wanker-Bastard

How is it that someone so high up in the organisation can be so unprofessional? And to top it all off, act so childish? As an outsider in this country, I am compelled to think that perhaps this is a culturally phenomenon. But having thought hard about it, I don't think that is a fair assumption. I shouldn't generalise really, as my interactions with other locals have shown me far more professional and acceptable behaviour.

Right now I am too pissed off to think too much about it. It's been going on for more than 3 weeks now. I'll park this aside in the meantime and keep in view for a more detailed account (and perhaps insight - if I can calm myself down) in one of my "My Take on Nigeria" entries.

Wanker-Doodle

Had another sore throat yesterday but managed to scramble all the way to work. To be expected, there were plenty of e-mails with urgent actions waiting for me. Of course, everyone is priority. Pfffft!

Towards the end of the day, I received a nasty phone call from a customer. He's been giving me nasty phone calls for quite some time now and have been an absolute, complete wanker. You first met him in my Wanker-Dory entry. Well, I shall say no more about him - until such time that he decides to grace me with another "friendly" phone call.

Oh btw, did I tell you that my boss was being funny yesterday as well?

In summary - working here is really beginning to be a pain. I get no support from my boss. Hard time from customers who are just NEVER satisfied. Colleagues who pretend to be nice (yes, I can see right through you, Miss Butter-wouldn't-melt-in-your-mouth).

This is definitely not the kind of work challenge I was expecting. But I suppose any kind of challenge is a challenge in itself.

~says she.

Wanker-Dory

Kind of had a bad-ish day today. The only reason why it didn't become a full-fledge bad day is because I did not allow it to be so. It's all a matter of choice really. Either you let it get to you or you just shrug it off and stay positive. But having said that does not mean that I'm going to pass the opportunity of having a good whinge about it in my blog. Oh! The wonders of technology!

The bastards at work - one customer, to be precise - have had a go at me again today. He seems to be on a roll for the past 2 weeks. This time it has nothing to do with me. What really bugs me is that I had to take the fall even though it was obvious that I was trying to help out, where really it was not even my job to so. And what do I get for trying to be a good Samaritan? Got on the receiving end of "shit got in the fan" effect (complete with the cc everyone under the sun and moon extras).

Apart from this shitty twat of a wanker, I had accomplished a lot of things - and all with 3 days to spare before the deadline.

Oh, fuck, wank, bugger, shitting arsehead and hole - Part 2: The Revenge

That just about sums up my day today.

Cranky customers calling first thing in the morning - have been away from the office for 2 days (sick & workshop), so fair go, mate!

Cranky colleague pulling up a strop - all was sorted in the end as I had predicted, if only people don't start pushing the panic mode to begin with.

Idiotic collleague who washes his hands clean and likes to move the goal post - whatever happened to all this talk about ACCOUNTABILITY?

Colleague decides to tell that "ideally" the deadline for data submission should be end of close of business - I was 'kindly' informed at 10 minutes to 4pm.

Missed lunch. Took the late bus home.

Like I said - Oh, fuck, wank, bugger, shitting arsehead and hole...


Picture credit: "after years of hating myself i finally got this job" - sam brown, exploding dog

The Patriot Game

*Newsflash*

Found out an extremely shocking piece of news today. It was so incredulous that I didn't believe it when I first heard.

According to the source - whose integrity I do not question - some big gun from our employer (a fellow countrymen at that) went on a "special" trip to the "choice" assignment destination that the majority of our countrymen tend to flock to. Apparently his agenda was to spread "word" to deter us (those working outside home) from having any funny ideas about resigning and not coming back home.

His message went along these lines - should we decide to follow our hearts and take destiny into our own hands (God forbid! Pffffft!), they will make sure that all doors will be closed to the individual back home. So I thought that's ok. Afterall if you resign why the hell would you want to go back knocking on their door anyway?

But here's the twist. They'll also make sure that the other companies (say the one that is currently employing you for the duration of your assignment) will not hire you as their permanent staff (by now of course, home would reject you also since you've just resigned).

The message is loud and clear: Leave the nest by all means, but consider yourself disowned by your parents. At the same time, I will make sure that nobody else is allowed to adopt you. And when you left out in the cold, don't come crying back to daddy either.

BASTARDS!!

I'm not being funny but who the hell do these people think they are? What really ticks me off is that these people just have absolutely no inkling of the bigger picture. It makes me wonder how they get to be so high up in the organisation. The way I see it, they have completely lost sight of the whole plot. I mean, for Pete's sake, we are a Global company. Gone are the days of multinationals. We are a sodding Global company.

What's wrong if people want to work abroad? What's so criminal about that? The way I see it, these people are putting Brunei on the map. Gone were the days when you mention Brunei people automatically think you still live on trees. We're still a long way from making our mark in this age of globalisation.

I just think that this whole approach is so completely wrong. It's just so unethical. You cannot force people to come back and work - well not like this anyway.

Yes, I admit there has been an unusually high number of resignations lately. And yes, the majority we really could not afford to lose. So, what's wrong with this picture? I've voiced this out before and I'll say it again here: If you don't want to lose your talented staff and yet you are, then you have to take a step back and find out the reason and do something about it. Retaining good people is key.

I remember asking a fellow colleague back home what were we doing about the sudden flux of resignations. The reply that I got (though I wasn't at all surprised) was that the resignations were no cause for concern. At the end of the day, in terms of pay and benefits the company was still in a very good position within the local context. Attracting new recruits should be no problem. After all nobody is indespensable. Makes sense now?

No. I didn't think so either. Cause for alarm still? I should think so. In my ideal world, this would be my solution:

Bruneians should be allowed to work abroad for an extended period without feeling their only option to stay out for a while is through resignation. The majority (trust me when I say this) just want to gain the experience and skills while working abroad. At the end of the day, they do want to return back home and bring in the skills and knowledge that have been acquired.

I strongly believe that you can be patriot and contribute globally at the same time. Whatever happened to the aspiration of "daya-saing bangsa"?

The other side of the coin also is that, most people get very, very weary of the false and empty promises given in order to coax people coming back. I have seen and heard so many examples of colleagues whom upon return from their overseas stint have lost their drive and their morales disappearing into the abyss. Most people get frustrated after being highly regarded abroad failed to get any recognition of their skills upon return by their own fellow countrymen. In return for their sacrifice of leaving home, they get back their old job as if they have never left.

So why do people choose to resign again? Go figure. Money isn't everything, you know.

Guidelines + Flexibility = Value Added Service: How low can you go?

We had a visit from our top boss today. The main message is how we can add value to the business in the service we provide. How, inspite of due processes to be followed, we should NOT be seen as "policing" the business but as enablers. Now here's a thought:

Scenario 1:
Issue: One girl got interviewed and passed with flying colours. Added bonus, she also happens to have great potential. Company in a great big hurry to recruit her because her father has been making phone calls and putting pressure on the system.

Due process: Receiving department wants to review all their critical positions and would like to resource their vacancies en masse rather than piece meal.

Actual outcome: Her recruitment got fast-tracked and she is due to join any day now. Her receiving department had no choice or say in her hire.

Scenario 2:
Issue: One guy is getting transferred to a higher job. His boss wants him promoted on transfer. Top past years' performance.

Due process: His promotion proposal has missed the boat for the bi-annual promotion round.

Proposed solution: To put his promotion application on hold for the next round which is 2 months' away, but backdate his promotion effective on his date of transfer.

This is what I want you think about - both scenarios have bent the rules somewhat. Fine. However, which one actually gives value-added service? Answers on a postcard.

God Save the Queen

Surprisingly (rather pleasantly I must say), we have not been graced by the presence of royalty today. Queen Bee did not turn up for work, and I couldn't be bothered to play the concerned colleague to ask of her whereabouts.

I spent the whole day - literally, as I missed lunch and took the 5 p.m. bus home - tidying things up, i.e. responding to 3-day old e-mails (lost count how many) and closing issues before the 2-day (hoo-ray!!) public holiday next week.

The Royal Tenenbaums

Last day of the workshop - thank God.

I can now more or less confirm that there is something fundamentally wrong with this "beloved" colleague of mine. She is not only a "hit and miss" person but she's also a real, right, royal, pain the arse.

As I was looking at her (couldn't help it, she was sat right opposite me - lucky me!!), I couldn't help but notice the resemblance. Have a look --->>>>

At this rate, I was really getting into the hang of having evil thoughts - hey, it kept me awake. So I challenged myself if I can think of anything else (visually) to describe this vile excuse of a woman...

...and here's another one I came up with (and I don't mean it in the good sense)... --->>>>

...and another! In time for Halloween too! Trick or treat!! You wicked witch of the East, you! --->>>>

Then I realised...wait a minute. What's this I see here? She has a partner in crime...and this is how she looks --->>>>

...But I'm sure by tomorrow I will wake up with a feeling of deep remorse.

And no, it won't be for our reigning Queen Bee, but for her partner in crime. She is a nice person and I shall be guilt-ridden. But who knows, she may just be a better actor than her Royal-Effing-Highness.

Alas, tomorrow is but another day ~ cue: evil laugh.

The Sun Always Shines on TV

I had such a bad, bad, bad day today.

1) It started off with heavy rain. One of the heaviest I've seen since arriving here. The full blown thunder and lightening effect included.

2) Almost missed the bus because my driver was late. So "laukong" had to send me to the bus pick-up point.

3) Onboarded another EXPAT first thing in the morning. After he left, our manager asked who he was. Then I told him that so far so good, except for one issue (boy, did I pay handsomely for opening my mouth). The guy is currently staying at the company guest house in 2 separate rooms from his family. So I told him this was not practical for a family with very young children. So the manager asked what salary group he is in. And by this time his voice had raised by a few decibels enough to wake the dead in Ghana and Gabon. Then almost shouting (or maybe he already was, but I was too paralysed and mortified to notice at this point), he said well he's not entitled for a small temporary house since those houses are meant for managers and others of immortal status. Me as an HR person should know about this "policy"!? WTF!?

4) In the bus on the way home for lunch, a fellow EXPAT colleague asked me if I was going to this HR workshop that is scheduled next week. Obviously I've not heard. So he offered to come to his office to check for more details after lunch. Turns out from the particpants list, that ALL my immediate colleagues have been nominated to go except for...yours truly.

Well, I'm inclined to think that there must be some reasonable expalnation to this. Or perchance I've been forgotten? Since I had a meeting almost immediately after lunch, I only managed to e-mail my boss about the possibility of him nominating me. By the time I came back from my meeting, no response of my e-mail. By now it was already late in the day for me to start a conversation. Also as you will see below, this would be the least of my worries. TRUST ME.

5) With the promotion process almost coming to a close for those in managerial positions, I handed over my portfolio's submission to my colleague who collates all forms. Then she told me that it's ok for me to go to our manager (yes, this is the same manager in item 1) direct for him to sign the papers off.

Naively (again - I have to be more vigilant than this next time. My memory seems to have failed me.) I went to his office thinking all would be a breeze. Another hard lesson awaits me:
First thing he said was that my submission was late (he might possibly have been shouting already - again my memory has failed me).

> The deadline was closed last week! (Oh no, here we go again.)

> Why was it late? (The trap has been set.)

> Did your boss not tell you when the deadline was? (I'm falling.)

> Where is he? (So close yet so far away.)

> Let's go and see him now! (I can start to see my life flash before me.)

> He should be advising his staff and coaching them! (Are you there, God?)

Suddenly the penny dropped and I decided, "No, today is not a good day to die." So I told him that it was not necessary to go outside and confront my boss (I'd like to think that Mr. Manager here had enough feeding for the day to tide him over until after winter and hibernation). I knew the deadline and it was the customers that were late with their submissions. Absolutely nothing to do with my boss.

Managed to calm him down somewhat and (at great risk- and foolishness, now that I think about it) told him that I am now beginning to dread coming in to see him(!!). (I must say - there is a fine line between bravery and stupidity). Much to my surprise (and quite possibly the Grim Reaper's), he told me that I should not feel that way. I should know that I am always welcome to come and speak to him. The more I see him, the less I should be dreading him. SAYS HE. I imagined in my head (had to bite my tongue while thinking this) the perfect retort would have been, "That's alll!"

6) Just before logging-off, I saw an e-mail from Russia about one of their staff coming to work here. By the amount of BOLD fonts in her e-mail it was really the icing on the cake that I needed to end my day. Unfortunately it far too late for me to retaliate lest I missed the bus home. I forgot (must get my memory upgraded soon) how rather "brusque" (to put it nicely) the Russians can be. I should have known better and this shouldn't have come as a surprise to me. 2 years working in Dubai supporting them virtually in Russia has done nothing for me apparently. But I was certainly caught off-guard. So spent the entire bus journey home mentally drafting my response (while being poked at the ribs by this super horizontally-challenged American lady who didn't even have the courtesy to acknowledge my presence - I certainly "felt" hers. I didn't realised that such people are capable of having such bony elbows). Of course as my luck would have it, the traffic jam was worse than usual. So by the time we reached the housing camp I was almost ready to jump out the window from claustrophobia.

Item 6 I expect will...to be continued...after I send my response tomorrow.

Alas, positivity and humour (+ tons of nicotine) remains my anchors to get me through another day in paradise.

"I reached inside myself and found
Nothing there to ease the
Pressure of
my ever worrying mind
All my powers waste away
I fear the crazed and
lonely
Looks the mirror's sending me these days...

...Please don't
ask me to defend
The shameful lowlands of the way I'm drifting
Gloomily
through time
I reached inside myself today
Thinking there's got to be
some way
To keep my troubles distant..."

~ The Sun Always Shines on TV

It's just another manic Tuesday

Work, work, work after a nice long weekend. And so the story goes. Had to skip lunch because my meeting lasted until about 2:30 p.m. Lost my appetite by then. But soooooo needed the fag.

The office suffered black-out for about 30 mins. I was told that it was NOT a common occurence. What a disappointment!



Key words today: Aperture; exposure; wide angle; shutter.

Home is where you make it

Hooray!! My trip to Lagos was cut short by a day!! Actually, before we even get there...it's a long story. Let me summarise:

1) Wednesday
- Left Port Harcourt at 6:45 a.m. to Owerri Airport. It was a 2-hour bus ride through Aba Town.



- Arrived about 9 a.m. Flight's supposed to depart at 9:15 a.m. but couldn't find locate my ticket!



- Finally managed to get a ticket. Flight departs at 9:45 a.m.



- Landing delayed by 30 mins due to bad weather. Landed in Lagos around 11 a.m. and it was supposed to be a 45 min flight.

- Decided to follow my colleague to the Lagos office. BIG mistake!! The journey took almost 2 hours!! Arrrgh!! Traffice jam was at a grid lock due to some political rally.

- Arrived at Freeman's House around 2 p.m. Another BIG mistake!! Couldn't find an empty desk to work on. Couldn't find transport to send me straight to the hotel. So had to wait for the 4:15 p.m. bus.

- Bus only leaves at 5:15 p.m. Grrrrrr!! More traffic jam - grid-lock more like. So had to walk half way to the hotel. Took about 30 mins. to arrive at the hotel - and I haven't even eaten all day!! May as well have fasted.

- Within the 30 mins. managed to avoid being run over by 2 transit buses, and at least 10 ocassions by the okadas (motorcycle taxis). Who needs "Survivor Africa"??

- Too tired to notice hotel room. Seems comfy enough. At least the bed doesn't smell of B.O. and bathroom clean enough without risk of getting Hepatitis.



2) Thursday
- No transport to send to Eko Hotel where the workshop is. Found a colleague (bless him) who kindly gave us (me, the facilitator & another participant from Gabon) a lift.

- Turned out that the workshop will be compressed to 1 day. Hooray!!

- But now have to forward flight to Friday instead of Saturday. Arrrrgh!!

- Colleague (bless him again) managed to get me a seat on Virgin Nigeria at 9 a.m. on Friday.

- Workshop turned out to be a brainstorming session instead to discuss issues directed by the SNEPCO Leadership Team. So wtf are we SPDC and Gabon staff doing here????!!!! Grrrrr!!

- Had dinner with the facilitator.

- Managed to confirm transportation to bring me to the airport after countless of "pass the phone" game.

3) Friday
- Luckily traffic to Lagos Airport was not too bad. But the whole journey was a heated political argument amongst the Nigerian passengers. Arrrg!! I thought I was going to be caught in some "friendly fire".

- Flight to Owerri was delayed by almost 45 mins. because the refueller was late. Grrrr!!

- Got chatted up by some Filipino Paray at Lagos airport, who turned out to be quite useful. Helped me with my luggage - from putting it in the overhead compartment to carrying it all the way to the arrival hall at Owerri Airport. "Salamat, paray!!"

- Arrived in Owerri Airport today at 10:30 a.m. However the bus only departed at 12 noon because we had to wait for passengers from Warri. Arrrgh!! So close yet so far away from home.

- Got into another grid-lock somewhere in Aba. Arrrg!! So had to u-turn and go through another town. Can't even remember what it was called. Arpapo or something or other.

- Finally reached the R.A. at 3 something, and home at last at 3:30 p.m.

- Soooooooooo glad to be home-sweet-home. I love Port Harcourt!

- Missed the kids so much. It was so good to see them.

- Am off to sleep now. The end.

Another day in paradise

Work's really picking up now. Yesterday did interviews all day and I couldn't believe how tired I was at the end. It's hard work, and to think you're just sitting there asking questions.

Had an argument with a colleague on Tuesday afternoon. He accused me of "causing him stress" because I have not submitted enough information. Unfortunately for him, I submitted the data early last week. So he had a whole week to realise that and tell me, so I could provide him with the extra information. And who told him to start doing things minutes to the deadline. So sorry, but I will take non of that crap and told him so. Tried to be funny with me today - but somehow the humour was lost on me. Too little, too late, I guess.

Another moron came my way today. It's unbelievable the issues that people seem to "suffer" from. Sometimes I wonder how people get to be so high up in the organisation and yet be so STOOOOOPID. It's such a curse being in HR, I'll have you know. At the end of the day, you can only do so much. You can't please everybody and you get all sorts, including tw*ts (unfortunately more often than not).

Will have more interviews to do tomorrow. But managed to talk my way out of the afternoon session. But I know it'll still be a long day. So much to do, yet so little time....and to think I signed up for a 4 year assignment. Wonder what I will write then? Even weekend has become a dread - not because I don't need it...but...must...do...work...will...not...rest...until...it's...done...

...what am I turning into?

2 unhappy feet, a wedding and an unresolved issue

My feet are starting to show cracks at the heels....and I thought these things only happen to people at my mum's age (sorry, mum). I miss my weekly mani and pedi at N-Bar, Dubai. Have been tempted to book myself for a session since I got back, but I really don't like the nail bars in Brunei. I question their hygiene standards and practice (er no, filling a cup with some blue liquid and submerging the utensils, does NOT count as sterilising, people!!). Until someone tells me of a good and hygienic nail bar, I'll just have to be content with the current state of my feet (oh, the humiliation).

"Deep down, I'm pretty superficial"

~ Ava Gardner

I will be missing my friend's wedding in Holland tomorrow. I wish her all the happiness in the world on the start of a new life with the man of her dreams. I just wish I could be there to witness the happy moment. Everyone else seem to be flying in for the ceremony except me. Ho-hum.

Re: My previous blog about work - still unresolved. Oh bloody, oh-blah blah blah. My boss has yet to call me, so I have not responded to the e-mail query. I so hate this period of uncertainty and unresolved issues. It's bad enough that I suffer insomnia on a good day, let alone when I have things to worry about. People keep forgetting that I am still on leave. It just goes to show that being indispensable is a curse. This blog shall continue...