Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Judge Dredd

After a week's leave, I woke up this morning with a feeling of dread. The answer was simple - I hate work. The journey to work did not help either. The usual traffic jam in Sg Liang gave me ample time to mull over what a drag of a day I was going to have.

...Actually, it's not work that I hate so much - I have never (I don't think) been known as the lazy sort nor shy away from hard work - it's actually the job. It has become such a dreary routine with the constant whinging of never-satisfied people. If I can at all be honest about it, I think the novelty and challenge wore off as soon as I got on seat. Let's just be frank here, I was never the "people's people" type anyway. It's amazing how I've managed to end up in this career. I can blame it on a few things:

1) The scholarship that I got meant that I have no choice but to work for the hand that sponsored.
2) Being the first-born meant that I have the (delete as appropriate) responsibility/ burden/ yoke to support my parents and my siblings - so needed to earn from day one upon graduation.
3) Blind ambition.

...then the curse of loans begets me and the balls and chains have been locked. So what started off as striving for a fancy car and all the bells and whistles that come along with being a young professional (says she), my goal is now to be financially independent. Admittedly my priority has changed - I guess, I've changed. Having kids has truly changed my perspective on life. I no longer seek trigger happy moments but rather longer-term contentment - now that's happiness at a completely different level.

So what's the point in waking up everyday for the next, say, 25 years of my life dragging my feet out of bed and dragging myself to work? To top it all off, leaving home for work while the kids are still in bed, only to come home after a long day with the kids already asleep. Is it really worth it to sacrifice my family just so I could ensure that my kids will lead a better life? But what is the definition of a better life anyway, I ask you? To be able to effort all the finer things in life that our parents could not provide us? But where does work/life balance fit into all this? Leave it to the maid to play the role of mum while I'm at work earning a living? I don't think that's the way I want to live my life anymore.

Of course, I still would like to make a living (hey, I've got my pride), but at the same time I want to be more in control of my life and family too. So here's my wishlist:

1) Earn a living doing something that I want to get out of bed for.
2) Do something that allows me the flexibility to spend time with the kids.

But I guess, there is a light at the end of every tunnel. I have read and seen so many inspiring stories about working mums who can achieve both. I guess it's a matter of me finding the guts to take the plunge...of course notwithstanding achieving that financial independence first.